found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So much rum. So many feels.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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