The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
