apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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