Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
