well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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