I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
