I'm lost and stupid without you.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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