Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
