i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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