I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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