how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
