I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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