oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
