I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
