Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
