I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
