Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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