New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
