This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
