The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
