We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
