??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
ugly people sure do ruin things
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
