Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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