how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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