I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
