I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
