O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
