my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
