If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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