sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
