The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
