Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
