Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
