We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
