How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
