I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
