by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
