in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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