Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
