ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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