my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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