So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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