I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
