can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
