I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
