I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
