Your tits are I can't wait for
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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