I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
