He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
