Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
