I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
